Yes, I know how cliche this sounds. I'm running a blog, so obviously I like to talk about myself, but that's not what I mean. I hate talking about my strengths and such. Over the past few months I have had to write similar documents about my strengths as a leader to add to graduate school applications. Prompts like, "Highlight some skills and experiences that make you the best possible candidate" absolutely freak me out. I don't want to downgrade myself and say anything negative, but I don't want to be that person that just says, "I'M AMAZING AND IF YOU DON'T HIRE ME THEN YOU ARE AN IDIOT". What I've learned over the past few weeks is that I need to say the say "I'M AMAZING" without having to say it, which is difficult.
I mean, let's face it. I am amazing, but so are we all. I'm not trying to start an existential movement here, I just don't want to sound like a self-obsessed woman on these applications. So I'll talk about how I am an LRA and in charge of a staff of 8, I was Vice President of Operations in my sorority and that entailed being in charge of a board of 15, and I'm currently the Vice President of Allies, the LGBT group at school. I have to talk about what impact I have made within all of these roles and how that has better prepared me for graduate school. Then it hits me.
I'm not prepared for graduate school. I don't think anybody really is. Yes, it's a continuation of your education, however everything is different. I will be the adult in charge, not just the leader of a student organization. We are in this college bubble. Sure, we have jobs and take classes that prepare us for after graduation. But does that mean that we are actually prepared for after graduation? There are some people I see throughout campus that scare me when I think that soon they will be departing into the real world. I'm sure there are people who think that about me. Heck, I think that about me all the time.
What I'm trying to say is that we are all awesome and have these awesome things to put on our awesome applications and awesome resumes, however once we get that diploma, it's going to be like momma bird is kicking us out of the nest and we have to learn to fly.
I just don't want to be that bird that's stranded on the ground.
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Why does my body not let me rest?
This past weekend was an extra long one due to MLK day. Because of this, I had an extra day to sit around and do nothing really. I had places to go and people to see, but between going to those places and seeing those people, I found myself bored out of my skull. I didn't have homework to be doing, and all of my friends were either busy or contributing to society via their big kid jobs. Basically, I was stuck in my room all weekend. It was actually pretty boring.
Now, however, at 2am the night before classes start again, I find myself restless. My body is telling me that I haven't done enough to warrant being tired. I'm just laying in bed, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for sleep to hit me. Then my brain starts working overtime.
You know that feeling when you are just about to get to sleep, but then you realize every little thing that is wrong in your life and needs correcting? Yes, that is exactly what's going on in my mind. I can't stop thinking. I'm thinking about my grad school applications and when I will be finding out about them. I'm thinking about what McDonalds I will have to work at if I don't get into a grad school. I'm thinking about how to make my last semester a good one, and I'm thinking about all the stupid things I say on a daily basis.
I don't know what about laying in bed trying to not think brings on all the thoughts, but it does. I think about relationships that are different now than a year ago and how I can make them better. I think about who is actually reading this blog or is this just for me. I think about traveling and where I would want to go. Then I start thinking about other people. I flip through Twitter hoping that none of my friends are up because it's 2am and nobody should be up, but then it would be better if they were up because then I would have someone to talk to instead of ranting on my blog.
Of course, I jinx my sleep by thinking about the next day.
"If I go to bed right now, I will get exactly 5 hours and 40 minutes of sleep" I tell myself. Just by thinking about sleep, I'm dooming myself.
Why are we not made with a nice ON/OFF switch? It would be so much easier if I could get into bed, turn off my brain, and go out like a light until I needed to wake up.
This is why I hate thinking about what is coming up. I stay in the present because if I think about the future too much, I will over think and I will never be able to sleep. I hate having to wait for anything, so if I'm thinking about what I want, I will just want it now, instead of whenever it is supposed to happen. I don't want to think about graduation because it will distract from the rest of this semester. This is the semester that I hope to get the most out of.
I don't want to have tunnel vision, only worrying about one thing. I want to worry about everything as it happens.
Now, however, at 2am the night before classes start again, I find myself restless. My body is telling me that I haven't done enough to warrant being tired. I'm just laying in bed, twiddling my thumbs, waiting for sleep to hit me. Then my brain starts working overtime.
You know that feeling when you are just about to get to sleep, but then you realize every little thing that is wrong in your life and needs correcting? Yes, that is exactly what's going on in my mind. I can't stop thinking. I'm thinking about my grad school applications and when I will be finding out about them. I'm thinking about what McDonalds I will have to work at if I don't get into a grad school. I'm thinking about how to make my last semester a good one, and I'm thinking about all the stupid things I say on a daily basis.
I don't know what about laying in bed trying to not think brings on all the thoughts, but it does. I think about relationships that are different now than a year ago and how I can make them better. I think about who is actually reading this blog or is this just for me. I think about traveling and where I would want to go. Then I start thinking about other people. I flip through Twitter hoping that none of my friends are up because it's 2am and nobody should be up, but then it would be better if they were up because then I would have someone to talk to instead of ranting on my blog.
Of course, I jinx my sleep by thinking about the next day.
"If I go to bed right now, I will get exactly 5 hours and 40 minutes of sleep" I tell myself. Just by thinking about sleep, I'm dooming myself.
Why are we not made with a nice ON/OFF switch? It would be so much easier if I could get into bed, turn off my brain, and go out like a light until I needed to wake up.
This is why I hate thinking about what is coming up. I stay in the present because if I think about the future too much, I will over think and I will never be able to sleep. I hate having to wait for anything, so if I'm thinking about what I want, I will just want it now, instead of whenever it is supposed to happen. I don't want to think about graduation because it will distract from the rest of this semester. This is the semester that I hope to get the most out of.
I don't want to have tunnel vision, only worrying about one thing. I want to worry about everything as it happens.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Women can be super too
I was on Tumblr the other day and one of my followers posted a link to a survey for a class they were taking. This survey was about women in comic books. Of course I jumped at the chance to talk about female superheroes.
The first part of the survey asked how often I read comic books and how many of those comics revolved around female lead characters. For this, I came up with a discovery that I'm sure most people know. At least all women who read comic books know that women are underwritten in most comic books.
Sure, there is Wonder Woman who is about as courageous and fierce as they come, but let's start out looking at her outfit. I hardly believe that anyone could fight crime in that outfit. She isn't even wearing comfortable shoes. In most books featuring Wonder Woman she is wearing high heels. As far as protection goes, thankfully Wonder Woman has her trusty cuffs to deflect oncoming bullets. A fashion accessory only available to the most powerful of WOMEN I'm sure.
Next, looking at PowerGirl, the outfits are even skimpier. The appeal for PowerGirl is that she has really big breasts. Seriously, she should be fighting her lower back pain rather than fighting crime. The man who drew PowerGirl was convinced that his boss was not paying attention to the work the artist was doing, so each week, the artist made PowerGirl's breasts a little bigger. There is even a nice "cleavage window" on her outfit. This is a move that nobody would dare try on Batman. Nobody would play with the symbol on his chest, making it bigger and bigger with each comic. Are women only around in comic books to be the playthings of the writers?
When are comic books going to evolve past the point of women falling into three categories: the damsels in distress, the prudes, and the lesbians. I write that last category not to offend. I am thrilled that the LGBT community has begun to be represented in comic books, however other characters are seen as lesbians if they are strong, independent, women. On several occasions, Wonder Woman has been asked out by humans and superheroes alike and if she rejected them, the reader was left wondering if the Amazonian princess, who lived on an island without men, could really bat for the other team.
In the past few years, DC comics has rebooted the franchise, coming up with new story lines for all of our favorite heroes. One of whom being Batwoman. Within two issues, Batwoman was shown to actually be a lesbian. It was great! The story did not solely revolve around the fact that she was gay, however the writers did not hide it. On the negative side, however, Batwoman was shown as really aggressive and rude. I've heard people say they believe her aggression stemmed from her being a lesbian. Are we not allowed to have a feminine superhero who can be gay and still kick a ton of booty? I'm not asking for too much here.
Where is the hope for young girls? We live in a place in which you can do whatever you want to do and be whoever you want to be, yet Princesses and Barbies are for girls and action figures and comic books are for boys. The comic book situation is a huge Chicken and the Egg situation. Do boys read more comics than girls because the women are not portrayed in a positive way, or are women portrayed in a negative way because more girls do not read comic books?
I wish women in comic books would just have a tragic backstory like the men and be done with it. Couldn't we just write women that kick ass and take names? Why must a female superhero's power be her sexual appeal?
My hope is that in the future, female superheroes are more common and writers write them not to appease the men, but to show young girls that if you work hard and have talents other than being well endowed, that you will go far in this world.
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Ode to Free Time
Why do you never come when I want you?
Of course the only free time I get is the Sunday before school starts, or "Syllabus Eve" as it is more commonly known on campus. All my residents have moved back in, I have said my hellos and had multiple conversations that went just like this,
"Hey!"
"Hey"
"How was break?"
"Good, how was yours?"
"Good..."
My winter break has been summed up with one word... good. My winter break was awesome! I went to Disney World and had a really fun time. However, I do not want to prattle on all day about how fabulous my break was. Mainly because I know that my residents do not really care. It's an obligation to ask about break. Nobody really cares, however it is the polite thing to do.
Anyway, after having riveting talks with passersby, I got the chance to sit back, relax, and do nothing. What I realized is just how much I hate doing nothing. Normally I love it! There were times in which I could do nothing for an entire day. This night is not one of those days. I'm sitting at my desk thinking if I should just go to sleep because I am so bored, but then I realize it is only 8:20pm and I am not 60 years old.
I miss the free time that would come when I wanted it. After a long day of classes and meetings, nothing felt better than coming back to my room and doing absolutely nothing. Now, I find myself longing for something to do. My room is all neat and clean, my books are ready for tomorrow, and my calendar is updated for the entire semester.
This shouldn't be something I complain about. Most people scuttle around searching for extra seconds within a day. I should be thankful for these next few hours before it is socially acceptable to go to sleep, however I know I will just be spending the time twiddling my thumbs hoping that someone gets locked out of their room.
Of course the only free time I get is the Sunday before school starts, or "Syllabus Eve" as it is more commonly known on campus. All my residents have moved back in, I have said my hellos and had multiple conversations that went just like this,
"Hey!"
"Hey"
"How was break?"
"Good, how was yours?"
"Good..."
My winter break has been summed up with one word... good. My winter break was awesome! I went to Disney World and had a really fun time. However, I do not want to prattle on all day about how fabulous my break was. Mainly because I know that my residents do not really care. It's an obligation to ask about break. Nobody really cares, however it is the polite thing to do.
Anyway, after having riveting talks with passersby, I got the chance to sit back, relax, and do nothing. What I realized is just how much I hate doing nothing. Normally I love it! There were times in which I could do nothing for an entire day. This night is not one of those days. I'm sitting at my desk thinking if I should just go to sleep because I am so bored, but then I realize it is only 8:20pm and I am not 60 years old.
I miss the free time that would come when I wanted it. After a long day of classes and meetings, nothing felt better than coming back to my room and doing absolutely nothing. Now, I find myself longing for something to do. My room is all neat and clean, my books are ready for tomorrow, and my calendar is updated for the entire semester.
This shouldn't be something I complain about. Most people scuttle around searching for extra seconds within a day. I should be thankful for these next few hours before it is socially acceptable to go to sleep, however I know I will just be spending the time twiddling my thumbs hoping that someone gets locked out of their room.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Trying to convince myself that I am a fully functional adult by...
Cleaning my room. That's right, cleaning. It's always a challenge for me to KEEP my room clean, however I have no problem staying up until the early hours of the night meticulously organizing and reorganizing my living space.
I wanted this semester to get off to a great start, so I thought, "why not get my room in shape?" This is how most people know that I am either bored out of my skull or over-thinking. Normally I consider myself somewhat organized. It's more of a chaotic organized but I always know where everything is, is it's ok in my book.
Tonight's adventure was to throw out things and food that I was going to be using. I opened drawers and emptied boxes. For the first time since I got back, I can actually see my desktop. It has been non-stop Residence Life stuff, so this is really the first time I have had to myself.
I know I need to make this whole "cleaning" idea a weekly thing, but I have found it's more cathartic if I go from insane to perfectly organized rather than a little bit each week. To me, I feel like I have accomplished more if I do a lot at a time, instead of small amounts. I blame my need of immediate satisfaction. I don't have time to put my clothes in the laundry basket because I just want to take a nap, so I just throw them on my futon.
Eventually, I find myself walking into my room thinking WWMYS or, "What Would My Mom Say?". This scares the living daylights out of me, which quickly prompts my cleaning.
But when it's all said and done, my room looks amazing and I am ready to start this semester like an adult. Now I'm going to read my comic books and drink out of my Doctor Who glass until my room gets cluttered again.
I wanted this semester to get off to a great start, so I thought, "why not get my room in shape?" This is how most people know that I am either bored out of my skull or over-thinking. Normally I consider myself somewhat organized. It's more of a chaotic organized but I always know where everything is, is it's ok in my book.
Tonight's adventure was to throw out things and food that I was going to be using. I opened drawers and emptied boxes. For the first time since I got back, I can actually see my desktop. It has been non-stop Residence Life stuff, so this is really the first time I have had to myself.
I know I need to make this whole "cleaning" idea a weekly thing, but I have found it's more cathartic if I go from insane to perfectly organized rather than a little bit each week. To me, I feel like I have accomplished more if I do a lot at a time, instead of small amounts. I blame my need of immediate satisfaction. I don't have time to put my clothes in the laundry basket because I just want to take a nap, so I just throw them on my futon.
Eventually, I find myself walking into my room thinking WWMYS or, "What Would My Mom Say?". This scares the living daylights out of me, which quickly prompts my cleaning.
But when it's all said and done, my room looks amazing and I am ready to start this semester like an adult. Now I'm going to read my comic books and drink out of my Doctor Who glass until my room gets cluttered again.
This is it...
I'm back on campus for my last semester at Baldwin Wallace University. The idea of me being a second semester senior is a crazy one to me. It feels like just yesterday I got my acceptance letter to BW. Back then it was BWC, not BWU.
This semester is all about me growing up. Sure, I am a responsible adult, however I am still not sure if I can function in the grown up world. This semester will test that. I will be going on interviews for grad schools, training a new staff member, the whole time taking a full course load. This will not be an easy semester for me.
However, I think this is the semester that I am going to get the most out of. I have to teach myself all the skills I will need in the future. Like laundry. Obviously I know how to do laundry, however whenever I do laundry, I end up leaving my clothes in the dryer. Then, whenever I remember, the clothes are so wrinkled that I basically need to put the clothes back into the dryer.
Thankfully I already consider myself an "old soul". Honestly, I think I am a 70 year old in a 22 year old body. I've thought about the impending doom of youths and I'm getting worse and worse with the new "hip" technology. I have yet to break a hip, but I'm sure that's coming.
Basically, I need this semester to be my time in which I will learn to say goodbye to my undergrad time and say hello to my new life. Let's see how it goes.
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